A Mind To Change - Professional Hypnotherapy

The Seven Deadly Attitudes: Fear

Most of us would like to boldly do what we've never done before.  Some people long to tell their boss what they think of his or her ridiculous ideas.  Others dream of exploring an exotic country. Some imagine themselves jumping out of an airplane.  Even if your desire for new experience only takes you as far as a cooking class, there's a little bit of the adventurer inside all of us.  It's a part of ourselves we need to we need to encourage.  Seeking out new experiences keeps us young. Trying something new stretches our abilities.  Accomplishing something new boosts self-esteem.

And yet there's a part of us that's scared.  It would be great to confront the boss - provided he doesn't turn around and give you the sack.  Exploring an exotic country would be a real adventure
if you don't catch a disease.  Jumping out of a plane?  Are you kidding?  What if the parachute doesn't open?  We consider breaking out of our routine, feel the heat and bottle out.
The feeling of being frightened imprisons us.  It's hard to escape.

Overcomming fear is one of life's most satisfying, growing experiences.  But it's a personal decision.  Are the benefits worth the risk?  Everyone is afraid of parachuting, but most of us don't see the point of leaping out of an aeroplane.  An astronaut sitting atop a million pounds of rocket fuel is certainly heading for the adventure of a life-time, but you can be excused for preferring your sofa to the space capsule.  If you do decide to go for it but somehow can't, then it's time to take a closer look at what's holding you back.

Fear is learned response; we learn to be frightened.  Our parents are our first teachers.  In a famous experiment, researchers placed an eight-month-old baby about twenty feet away from her mother.  The floor between the two had a section of transparent Perspex; it looked as if there was a large gap in the floor between mother and baby.  The mother called the baby to come over. When the baby neared the Perspex gap, the mother put on a frightened expression.  The baby would stop.  When the mother smiled and encouraged the baby, the baby would crawl right over 'thin air'.  In the thousands of encounters between parent and child, a child quickly learns what, when, where and how to be frightened.

All our early authority figures - teachers, doctors, vicars, scout leaders, etc. - programme us with fear responses.  A simple comment from art teacher - 'Don't play with that, you'll poke your eye out!' - can put you off scissors forever.  A dentist who promises 'this won't hurt a bit', then re-defines pain with a shiny drill can create a lifelong fear of dentists.  It's not all accidental, either. Many adults instill and exploit children's fears to make them dependant. A vicar who threatens naughty children with 'the wages of sin is death' makes himself seem powerful to a child who wants to grow up.  How many teachers use the fear of detention to prop up their classroom dictatorship?  Authority figures teach us that fear creates power - and powerless-ness.

Friends also teach us about fear.  When a group of friends calls you chicken because you hesitate to jump off a high diving board, you're forced to choose between your fear and loss of face. Sometimes the result is positive: we summon up our courage, jump and feel great.  We go on to try new things.  Sometimes the result is disastrous: we lose the respect we crave from our friends.  If we 'chicken-out' often enough, we begin to loose self-respect. Whether or not you jump, the underlying message is the same: Fear is weakness.  It's not enough to feel fear; friends teach us to fear it.  Franklin Roosevelt (who said, 'the only thing we have to fear is fear itself) probably grew up with some daredevil buddies.

Experience is the other great teacher of fear.  Your parents don't need to hold your hand over a naked flame for you to learn to be afraid of fire.  Sooner or later you'll experience the pain of a burn and figure it out on your own.  Of course, both burns and fears come in varying degrees. Imagine you woke up in the middle of the night choking in thick smoke, realised your bedroom was on fire and barely made it to safety before your home burned to the ground.  The experience could create such a strong fear of fire that you might not get a decent sleep for years.  A single unpleasant event in your past can have a lifelong legacy of fear.  You may not even remember it because fear can remain long after the experience has been forgotten.

To conquer fear, you have to re-educate yourself.  The first step is to recognise that fear is a perfectly normal emotion.  If humans didn't have a natural fear response, our species wouldn't exist.  Our ancestors would have strolled fearlessly around the plains of Africa until they were all eaten by wild animals.  Fear is a valuable human instinct that we experience in reaction to the threat of injury, humiliation or disaster.  It's your inner mind saying 'Hold on a second here, what if something goes wrong?  If you're afraid of something bad happening flunking an exam, losing a contest, breaking a leg or looking foolish - it's not because you're week or stupid or timid.
It's because it really might happen.  Even fears which don't make much logical sense, such as a fear of spiders, are quite reasonable to the part of your mind dedicated to your health and safety.

The next step is coming to grips with the worst case scenario.  What exactly are you frightened of? What would happen if your worst fears came true?  Would you survive?  Of course you would. Well, maybe.

Some people regularly do things that could kill them: soldiers, pilots, stunt people, police, racing drivers and others.  To keep fear in check, they too have to come to terms with the worst case scenario.  They have to say to themselves, 'if something goes wrong, I'm dead. If I die, I die.  It's worth the risk.'  It's not about confronting your fears.  It's a question of accepting them.  You look at the bleakest possibility and tell yourself that you can handle it. Only then are you really ready to give it your best shot.

Anyone who says they don't feel any fear is either a very bad liar or a very boring person.  The truth is that you can never totally 'conquer' fear.  The best you can do is make peace with fears and get on with life.  By doing whatever you want to do, you may eventually lose your fear.  You may even wonder what you were afraid of in the first place.  But then it's time to try something new.  And the chances are you'll feel some new fear.  That's the way it should be.  It's a sign that you're growing.  Robert Farago

The Seven Deadly Attitudes:

Fear  Guilt  Apathy  Doubt  Worry  Obsession  Resentment

The Seven Deadly Attitudes

Say Hello to Your Subconscious

My grateful thanks to Mr Robert Farago for kindly allowing excerpts of his best selling book
'Hypno Health - How to transform your life through the power of hypnosis'
(ISBN 0-09-177576-0 / Vermillion) to be reproduced on this web site.

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Howard A. Stanyon DHP HPD DIP COUNS, MHA MHPA MAPC MSFTR MOC LHS UKHR UKCHO
Finedon, Wellingborough, Northamptonshire, NN9 5DW, East Midlands, United Kingdom.
Telephone: +44 (0)1933) 680968 or contact me by email

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Welcoming clients for professional hypnosis and hypnotherapy from:

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Howard A. Stanyon DHP HPD DIP COUNS, MHA MHPA MAPC MSFTR MOC LHS UKHR UKCHO
Finedon, Wellingborough, Northamptonshire, NN9 5DW, East Midlands, United Kingdom.
Telephone: +44 (0)1933) 680968 or contact me by email

Professional, confidential, empathetic hypno-therapeutic assistance with emotional, psychological and personal difficulties.

Welcoming clients for professional hypnosis and hypnotherapy from:

Barton Seagrave; Burton Latimer; Corby; Desborough; Earls Barton; Geddington; Higham Ferrers; Irchester; Irthlingborough; Kettering; Northampton; Raunds; Rothwell; Rushden; Stanwick; Thrapston; Towcester; Wellingborough and the whole of Northamptonshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire, Cambridgeshire, Huntingdonshire, Leicestershire, Oxfordshire, Rutland, Warwickshire, and beyond.

For more information about the places covered by Northamptonshire Hypnosis & Hypnotherapy at Northamptonshire's amindtochange.co.uk Hypnosis Practice, please refer to the county lists displayed toward the foot of the page.

amindtochange.co.uk - Howard. A. Stanyon DHP HPD DIP COUNS - Clinical Hypnotherapist.
Telephone: +44 (0)1933) 680968 - Call anytime, 24 hours a day, or contact me by email