A Mind To Change - Professional Hypnotherapy

The Seven Deadly Attitudes: Resentment

Imagine you have everything that you ever wanted.  Imagine yourself in the perfect job (or no job at all).  See yourself living in the ideal home large, comfortable rooms, swimming pool, huge garden, a gleaming car or two in the drive, whatever.  Bask in the warmth of the perfect family: beautiful wife or handsome husband and loving kids.  Bored?  Pack your cases for a first-class trip to somewhere terribly exotic and wonderfully warm.  Glowing good health, pots of money in the bank, love everywhere.  Now imagine that it all belongs to someone else.  How do you feel?

It's easy to feel resentment.  All you have to do is think of something you want, then think of someone who's got it.  If you want to burn with envy, ask yourself if the person who's got what you want deserves it as much as you.  To be really consumed with jealously, try and figure out how you've been cheated from getting what you want.  Never mind about slippery slopes.  Resentment is a fast-burning fuse straight to self-immolation.  It's the kind of thinking that creates a raging inferno of bitterness, which destroys health and happiness from the inside out.  Self-destruction may come as a heart attack, ulcer, alcoholism, domestic violence or depression and loneliness, but come it will.  There is no such thing as healthy resentment.

There is no need to feel resentment.  Just because someone else has what you want is no reason to hate them.  In fact, you should welcome other people's achievement.  If someone else can do something you want to do, the chances are that you can do it, too.  To achieve the same thing for yourself - whether it's a mansion in Marbella, a body like Cindy Crawford's or the inner peace of a Tibetan monk - think like they think.  See the world like they see the world.  Do what they do.  If it worked for them, it will probably work for you.  Why re-invent the wheel?  And why get stressed at someone else's success?  See their accomplishments as a guidepost, not a roadblock.

Easier said than done?  Probably.  Overcoming resentment means overcoming a basic instinct: the urge to compete.  Ever since early man first dragged his knuckles in the African savannah, individuals have tried to prove their value to the group.  Nothing demonstrates self worth to a group like competition.  While this competitive spirit has taken us out of the trees and into the tower blocks, it also tends to separate humans into winners and losers.  History doesn't recall if early Homo sapiens gave a gold star to the child who speared the most small animals, but we can be sure there were cheers for the winners and laughter for the losers.  When a person fails, the emotional fall-out can turn inwards and/or outwards.  If it turns inwards, feelings run towards inadequacy and self-doubt.  If it turns outwards, feelings run towards envy, jealousy and resentment.

People who hold the strong, negative feeling of resentment often blame their lack of achievement on forces supposedly out of their control.  They see themselves as victims - of class, colour, genetics, parenting, politics and whatever else couldn't possibly be their fault.  It's an attitude that creates bitter laziness.  Even worse, elements within society are ready, willing and eager to reinforce and exploit this resentment.  Not making it? We understand it's not your fault.  Vote for us and we'll straighten things out.  The next thing you know, you've given away your personal power and nothing's changed.  Which gives you something else to be bitter about.

The truth is, you're only a victim if you think you are.  Born in the wrong class?  So what?
It makes things more difficult, but it doesn't make them impossible.  Parents never loved you?
So what?  You can look back to what could have been and feel miserable, or look forward to what can be and find what you need.  Take all the wasted energy of resentment and apply it towards achieving your goal, and you'll be happier and that much closer to what you want out of life.
The only way to stop resentment is to stop worrying about the results of competition.  Stop worrying about failure.

For those of us immersed in the consumer culture, it seems easier to stop breathing than give up traditional ideas of success.  Ignore the car, house, salary, education, accent and the like, and what's life?  Sure, you won't have uncomfortable feelings of resentment, but you'll probably be on the dole.  The funny thing is, in my experience, people who are always measuring their success and failure achieve less than people who do their personal best and call it good.  Die-hard competitors can never find the peace of mind true excellence demands.  They're so worried about wining, they lose.  People who complete with no one but themselves win because they don't need to.

The difference between 'need' and 'want' is the difference between resentment and peace of mind.  It's also the difference between failure and success.  Put it this way: you may want to own a Mercedes, but do you really need it?  Maybe your life would be substantially better if you had a top-down Merc.  Maybe your business partners would respect you more.  Still, do you need the car? Will you feel somehow less of a person if you don't have one?  If the answer is yes, you're going to put an awful lot of pressure on yourself.  Every day you don't get closer to owning a Merc is one more day of anger and frustration.  When you see someone swanning around in your car, is it any wonder you feel like ripping their lungs out?

I had a young client who worked for an ad agency.  He turned to hypnosis as a relief from anxiety attacks.  If his boss looked at him the wrong way or his ex-girlfriend asked him about work, his heart raced, he couldn't concentrate and he felt resentment towards everyone.  He believed everyone else was doing better than he was.  Since he only felt anxious when someone questioned his performance, I asked him to define success: twenty-two thousand pounds per year salary and an industry award.  So if you're earning 21,999 pounds you're not a success?  We haggled, until it became silly.  What about those awards?  Aren't they notoriously corrupt?  By pinning his self-worth to factors beyond his control, in a business known for its ruthlessness, he was forever poised on a knife's edge.  To rid himself of anxiety and resentment, he had to find a way to stop worrying about success...or failure.

The alternative is simply to lighten up.  Relax.  By all means, set whatever goals turn you on. There's nothing wrong with imagining gripping the wheel of a super-expensive sports car, or admiring framed awards on the wall.  People who want world peace are equally free to pursue their goals.  Just don't stake your life on it.  If you need something too much, you'll either fail from anxiety or make bad choices in the name of success.  Our real needs are few: food, water, shelter and love.  To stop resentment, think of anything else as strictly optional.  It may be hell to drive an old banger or lose your job, but you'd survive.  It may not be pleasant, but you won't die from the experience.  You may even emerge a stronger person.  In the final analysis, you may want to achieve, but you don't need to.

The more frantically you chase something, the further away it gets, and the more resentment you feel.  If you try to get a drink of water from a stream by grabbing the water with both hands, you're left with nothing but angry fists.  If you gently cup your hands and allow some water to spill out as you bring it to your mouth, you can drink deeply.  This idea is illustrated by Zen story...

A young man wanted to study swordmanship with a Zen master.  He asked how long it would take to become an expert swordsman.  The master looked at his potential student carefully and said, 'About six years.'

The young man shook his head sadly.  'My father is ill and needs me on the farm.  I don't think I could study for six years.  What if I study very hard?'  The master considered this and said, 'if you study hard, ten years.'

'Ten years!' the young man said!  'I don't have ten years!  What if I pay you for an intensive course?'  The master considered the idea.  'Hmm, an intensive course... Alright.  Fifteen years.'  Robert Farago

The Seven Deadly Attitudes:

Fear  Guilt  Apathy  Doubt  Worry  Obsession  Resentment

The Seven Deadly Attitudes

Say Hello to Your Subconscious

My grateful thanks to Mr Robert Farago for kindly allowing excerpts of his best selling book
'Hypno Health - How to transform your life through the power of hypnosis'
(ISBN 0-09-177576-0 / Vermillion) to be reproduced on this web site.

Purchase Robert Farago Self-Hypnosis CD's

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Howard A. Stanyon DHP HPD DIP COUNS, MHA MHPA MAPC MSFTR MOC LHS UKHR UKCHO
Finedon, Wellingborough, Northamptonshire, NN9 5DW, East Midlands, United Kingdom.
Telephone: +44 (0)1933) 680968 or contact me by email

Professional, confidential, empathetic hypno-therapeutic assistance with emotional, psychological and personal difficulties.

Welcoming clients for professional hypnosis and hypnotherapy from:

Barton Seagrave; Burton Latimer; Corby; Desborough; Earls Barton; Geddington; Higham Ferrers; Irchester; Irthlingborough; Kettering; Northampton; Raunds; Rothwell; Rushden; Stanwick; Thrapston; Towcester; Wellingborough and the whole of Northamptonshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire, Cambridgeshire, Huntingdonshire, Leicestershire, Oxfordshire, Rutland, Warwickshire, and beyond.

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Howard A. Stanyon DHP HPD DIP COUNS, MHA MHPA MAPC MSFTR MOC LHS UKHR UKCHO
Finedon, Wellingborough, Northamptonshire, NN9 5DW, East Midlands, United Kingdom.
Telephone: +44 (0)1933) 680968 or contact me by email

Professional, confidential, empathetic hypno-therapeutic assistance with emotional, psychological and personal difficulties.

Welcoming clients for professional hypnosis and hypnotherapy from:

Barton Seagrave; Burton Latimer; Corby; Desborough; Earls Barton; Geddington; Higham Ferrers; Irchester; Irthlingborough; Kettering; Northampton; Raunds; Rothwell; Rushden; Stanwick; Thrapston; Towcester; Wellingborough and the whole of Northamptonshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire, Cambridgeshire, Huntingdonshire, Leicestershire, Oxfordshire, Rutland, Warwickshire, and beyond.

For more information about the places covered by Northamptonshire Hypnosis & Hypnotherapy at Northamptonshire's amindtochange.co.uk Hypnosis Practice, please refer to the county lists displayed toward the foot of the page.

amindtochange.co.uk - Howard. A. Stanyon DHP HPD DIP COUNS - Clinical Hypnotherapist.
Telephone: +44 (0)1933) 680968 - Call anytime, 24 hours a day, or contact me by email